Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it's great music for shaving your balls
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
