i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
