just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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