i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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