.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
