she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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