I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
