i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
