Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
even my farts smell like vagina
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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