I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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