Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize