I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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