in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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