She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She's like a pop up book from hell.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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