he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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