I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize