if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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