by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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