I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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