I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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