Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
