The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
