The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
