the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize