Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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