she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
