You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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