You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
