just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
