Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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