guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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