Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is the high leading the old right now
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
