i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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