it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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