Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize