Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
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