Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
