Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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