im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
