dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
