I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
COCAINE IS GR8
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
