i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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