Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
zippers are such a cool invention
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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