What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
