she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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