You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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