I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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