awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
