If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
