sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I forget how to act sober
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
