as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
then he tried to convert me to islam
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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