I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
