Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
