piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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