I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
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Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
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Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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