CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
