how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
