I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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