Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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