apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
