1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
